I know this is very personal but I thought I’d share it to spread awareness and understanding of what it’s like to have an eating disorder as many people don’t know what it’s like. And in no way am I trying to get attention, I’m just saying it how it is.
It’s like torture. You almost feel dissociated in your own little world with only the intrusive thoughts to keep you company. You are alone, isolated , your mind is fixated on food, calories , weight but it’s not all about food, your confidence plummets and you become scared of going out and seeing family because they might think you’re fat. You feel an immense and overwhelming amount of guilt, not just when you eat but if you’ve actually had an alright time because you feel like you deserve to suffer. You constantly feel like it’s not enough no matter how much you lose.
It is not a joke, it is not vain it is a mental illness that has the highest mortality rate in mental health.
As you’re aware I am an inpatient at an eating disorder unit and have been since January. It is hard. Everyday is a battle but I’ve met the most amazing people who I’m sure I will keep in contact with forever! They are literally amazing and the most lovely, kind hearted and strong people I know.